so many thoughts run through my mind.
most complex.
several ambivalent.
many unpleasant.
i miss the days where my mind was free to wander amongst paths lit with light, or searching for buried treasure metaphors.
now it seems my mind is lost in a forest with little light where it is difficult to find my bearings, and i find myself perceiving most movement or sound through the lens of threat or trust. the interesting part is i struggle to know if i can even trust my own discernment right now. things look different when you can only see through sparsely dappled light. the information is distorted, and meaning is added to fill in the insufficient details. i don't trust my fear to tell me what is true, i don't trust my hope to tell me what is true either. ...and i certainly do not feel like i can trust the perception of someone who has become so rooted in the forest they no longer recognize that they could see more clearly by stepping into the light. i find i must take care in who shares direction.
my mind cycles in thought—except the cycles are not complete. no. my thoughts cross over themselves, intersecting and interrupting each other. if one were to map my path through this forest, it would not reveal circles, but rather scribbles upon the page. my mind wanders restlessly, searching for something resolute. something that makes sense of the questions.
the only thing i trust is that i know and understand myself enough to recognize that i will find my way back onto illuminated pathways once i learn to accept that my thoughts may never be resolved before stepping into the light.
